Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
