hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
