No stitches, just platelets and will power
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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