I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
