Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
