A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
