So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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