what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
