That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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