I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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