I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
