i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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