Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
