Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
