True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
