yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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