If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
