mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
