Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
