that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
