The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
