i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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