oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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