But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
