I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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