If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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