Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
