i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its not stalking. its research.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
