I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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