You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
