oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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