God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
