i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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