i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
