yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
