My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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