i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
