I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
