Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
