Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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