I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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