I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
