But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
