Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
