I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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