We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
