Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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