i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
