I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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