I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
