I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
