I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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