I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
