Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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