he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
