I'm lost and stupid without you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
