I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
