Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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