THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
