i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
