So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
