very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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