K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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