I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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