Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
