Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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