Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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