I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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