there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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