Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
