i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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