i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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