he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
