drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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