The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
