I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
birth control should be required to get into college
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
