At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
